Is It Possible to Have Balance? Ways to Get It

As a mom, I often feel like I am out of balance, no matter how hard I try. It always amazes me, though, when I hear the people around me say they think that I have this balance thing figured out. Is it possible to have balance? We all have a lot of demands on us. Demands come from all sorts of places: From our parents and friends, from our careers, from our spouses, from our kids, the need to maintain the house and all the activities. It’s enough to make anyone overwhelmed.

If I don’t prioritize properly, I often find myself get overwhelmed and realize that I haven’t been prioritizing properly. Anxiousness and overwhelm are often signs that something is out of balance.

Our lives all eb and flow in various seasons. We can’t always be running at full throttle for everyone around us. Every now and then, we need to slow down, and do things to fill us back up.

Can’t Please Everyone All the Time

First, we need to not be doing everything for everyone else out of the need to please people.  You will not always be able to please everyone all the time. If you try, you will wear yourself out. I have been working very hard at this for a long time. Unfortunately, it seems to be a constant test I face. It is really hard for me to say no to people. I’ve had to wrestle hard with this the last year.

I was really struggling between making someone happy, who was super important to me, or following what my leading was telling me to do in the situation. It was really hard because I was wrestling with a lot of thoughts. I was struggling to figure out which was the right thing to do. I couldn’t tell 100% which was God’s voice.

Mentorship is Important

Thankfully, I have a mentor in my life who told me my problem was that I was trying to please people. She reminded me that I didn’t owe anyone anything. It is always most important to follow the Lord. It didn’t matter where he was leading me or what that meant I needed to do. Once I took that step, the fog lifted and I was able to do what I was supposed to be doing. I was able to refocus my priorities on my purpose.

Balance means Some things will not get done

There will be seasons where we need to give ourselves grace and realize that we can’t be everywhere and do everything all the time. When things were really crazy in my house, (during the time I was working without much childcare) I had to identify some areas where things couldn’t be perfect. (Before that craziness, my house was immaculate. I cleaned my whole house tome to bottom on a weekly basis, and even maintained perfectly organized closets.)

When our season became really strenuous, my husband and I discussed some areas that we were both ok with de-prioritizing. I still did them, but I’d take longer to get them done than other things. For example, we prioritized the bathrooms and food prep areas. The bathrooms always remained clean and most of the dishes were done on a regular basis, but we’d let the dishes that needed to be done by hand, and laundry pile up a bit. (I tried to get out of matching socks, but my family members were insistent on that staying a priority.) Another area we de-prioritized, due to a shortage in time, was meal prep. We ate out much more than I would’ve liked. Unfortunately, I did not always have the capacity to meal plan and prep food.

Make sure all are on the same page

This is an area that needs good communication and grace between the family members. I can’t stand it when the counter tops aren’t wiped down regularly through the day. However, my husband wouldn’t notice if the counters weren’t ever wiped down. This would be an area that he would de-prioritize, but I have as a top priority. We had to find areas that neither of us had as a top priority. If we couldn’t find that, we agreed on things that we’d both do depending on whose schedule allowed it first.

Know it’s Just for a Season

When you are going through an intense season, know that it will eventually come to an end. When I was working full-time, our goal was to create a financial position where I could be a full-time mom. We chose not to pay for full-time childcare. That meant we chose to deal with the additional stress of figuring it out on our own. It was the price we were willing to pay for a short time to save money toward our goal. It was challenging, but it was worth everything I had to do in order to make it happen. Amazingly enough, my older kids don’t even remember me working after our nanny quit. They love the time and attention they now get.

Don’t allow excuses to ignore family

Don’t allow this to be an excuse to be a work-aholic or put your family on the backburner for extended periods of time. We only get one life and things move so quickly. Family is more important than a job. Therefore, if the job is taking all your time and attention for more than a season (however long that season may be is dependent on so many factors, but it is a personal decision), it’s time to find a new job.

I remember a job I had that was demanding 100 hours a week. It was supposed to be for a season. However, after it continued for more than 6 months, I knew it was time for me to figure out a solution. I spoke with my boss. Unfortunately, she was clear that nothing would change. Therefore, it was time to move on. I received a couple job offers. My new job ended up being a terrific opportunity. It was also much less demanding of my time (still 40-50 hours/week, but still better than my previous experience). It ended up being a great move for me and my family.

Find time for you

No matter how crazy and challenging things get, you need to find ways to fill yourself back up. It doesn’t matter whether it is exercising, getting coffee with a friend, reading a book, doing a hobby, participating in something that’s time away from your house, or spending some quiet time alone. For me, I need to spend some quiet time with God on a regular (I try daily) basis. I also need to have good conversations with friends and my husband regularly.

When I first started in Corporate America, our company was really big on networking over coffee. (I didn’t drink coffee at the time, but I would get some sort of drink that didn’t taste too much like coffee. Now I love coffee – coffee with the right creamer.) Those networking coffees were a break from the mental stress of the day. They became a time for me to refuel by connecting with people. They started a love for me to get coffee with friends and sit and catchup on each other’s lives. There’s just something really special about getting to do that in person. I’ll still take the phone calls and Zoom meetings, if we need to connect that way, but in person is really how I tend to refuel.

Systems/Routines help make balance possible

I am all about systems and routines that make my life easier. If there’s something that I need to do multiple times, I tend to find a way to create some sort of system or routine.

One example is when we go to our once a week homeschool co-op day. Each age group of kids has certain things that they need to be sure they bring that day. It was a lot of mental clutter trying to remember everything for each kid. Adding to that, the time it took to continuously go through and make sure everything was in each bag, was frustrating. I wrote it all down with like items grouped together then by age group on an index card. That way, all I had to do was look at the list each week to make sure we had everything (i.e. with 5 kids ages 2-11 everyone needs lunches, snacks, and water bottles, but the older 4 need tin whistles and presentations, the oldest two need certain text books, the youngest needs diapers and wipes, and the youngest 3 need craft supplies.)

I also went to Sam’s Club and bought a bunch of things that I knew all the kids liked for snacks and lunches. Then, I hid it all in the basement. Each school day, I pull out one of each thing and load the lunchboxes. I realized that every time I buy food for lunches, it is eaten instantly. I finally came up with the idea to hide them to make them last so I didn’t have to continually find new ideas.

Ask God How to Make Balance Possible

I spend a lot of time listing everything that I need to do or remember, so it doesn’t continue to create mental clutter. Then I prioritize them. I pray regularly for God to reveal to me what my priorities need to be and where I need to be spending my time. God is constantly reminding me not to worry or try not to control it all. He’s reminding me to trust in Him and let Him lead.

Often times, when it feels like everything is “crumbling” around me, I think God is reminding me to slow down and make sure my focus is on Him. I am reminded to allow Him to control my life. God always has a way of making everything work out in the end. Sometimes it’s a long journey and a painful process. In the end, it usually turns out okay. He also has a way of redeeming the time that we lose when doing the right thing – like my oldest not remembering the last couple years that I worked full-time. I was so relived to realize that she doesn’t even remember my failures or stress in trying to juggle it all.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

– Philippians 4:6-7

I find that all things in life seem to need a balance, whether it is in the ways we spend our time, or with whom we spend our time, or the foods we eat, or even the vitamins we take. Balance seems to always be such a struggle. What are some ways you find balance in your life?