How Do You Love Difficult People?

How do you love difficult people? It’s easy to love people who are similar to us. In fact, the Bible even tells us that everyone loves people who are like them. The challenge comes when we have to love someone who is different from us, or even our enemies. 

“But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you;”

-Matt 5:44

Our society celebrates connecting with people like us. It celebrates finding your tribe, your culture, or your people. We are big on unfollowing people who have different beliefs on social media or canceling anything with which we don’t agree. Connecting with people whom we easily get along with is great. I like connecting with like minded people and growing and becoming better. 

I also believe that we are called to find ways to love and accept people who are different than we are. As a society, when we say someone who is different than we are, so many people assume I’m going to get into politics or race. That is not where I am going at all.

I, personally, have never been one to treat someone differently because of their skin color. To me, skin color was the same as hair color. God made them. Since I wouldn’t want someone to discriminate against me due to the color of my hair, I have never treated someone differently because of the color of their skin. I know that is not the way the whole world views skin color, but that’s been my view my whole life.

However, in recent weeks, I have come in contact with a couple people who were socially awkward and difficult to interact with. Many people in society have written them off and ignored them. In my first couple interactions with them, I was uncomfortable. I wanted to ignore them and just walk away. However, I didn’t feel that would be a godly response. So, I prayed about what God wanted me to say or do to make them feel his love and acceptance.

In both cases, I realized that they were very broken people with a difficult past. As they talked, I learned more about them and their past. I learned more about who they were and where they had come from. They eventually told me about all the difficult situations they were dealing with. 

I realized that their inappropriate comments when we met were a protection mechanism. They were hiding who they were for fear of not being accepted. Isn’t it funny, how the very things we fear often come back on us? They feared rejection. Sadly, the very way they were trying to protect themselves from rejection caused most people to reject them. 

In being patient with them and trying to show them the love of God, God gave me a heart for them. He gave me an understanding for them that I wouldn’t have had without listening to them more and finding out more about their story. My heart now breaks for them and I pray for them to know the love of God more and more.

I think it is so important to remember that every one has a different set of experiences leading up to that point in their lives. It is not up to us to judge them for their current decisions. If we had seen and experienced what they have seen and experienced up to that point, we may be making the same decisions. They may not have had someone to train them up in the way they should go. They may have been abused or neglected. We don’t know anyone’s past, or even the full story of their present, when we see them. 

All people are created by God and deserve the respect of being His creation. He loves people and wants Christians to be a light to show all his people His love and acceptance. If we want the love and acceptance of Christ, we need to be willing to share that love and acceptance with others.

“I give you a new command: Love one another. Just as I have loved you, you must also love one another. By this all people will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.”

– John 13:34-35

Through this reflection, I have learned to love difficult people by first praying for God to reveal how I can best love them. I listen to them and try to find a way to bless them. It’s important to not to judge them. I try to remember that if I’ve seen and experienced what they have, I may be making the same decisions. It’s good to remember that we are all trying to find our path in this world and we all want love and acceptance. Sometimes people push others away to protect themselves. I’ve often heard that hurting people hurt people. It’s not conscious, but a protection they’ve developed. They don’t mean to hurt others. They are trying to protect themselves from experiencing more pain. However, if you can stick through that, you might be able to be an ambassador of God’s love in their lives. 

What about you? How do you love difficult people? Did this article help you in any way? Please share it if there’s someone in your life who might be helped by it.